Warning... Heavy religious content!!

After my last post I have had to fight the urge to take those photos down. You know, because, well it was pictures of me, and I am more comfortable on the other side of the camera! That was Saturday night. Then, after going to church Sunday I almost raced home and started what would become this blog... but needed time to let things in my heart settle. This is what I wanted to replace the picture of me with....




You see, God has been leading me down a narrow road to a place where I have to make a decision to stay where I am or follow him higher, follow him farther.
God needs to increase and I need to decrease. It's not about me. It's about him. My life until now has been mediocre at best. And I am guilty of judging my worth and my decisions based on what the world thinks, what my family thinks, my friends, my neighbors... I have looked at the women in my bible study and the women in my church and the few strong Christian women in my life to try to figure out how to do it, what is the way to go about this thing we call a 'walk', a christian walk, a spiritual walk, a Godly walk.... how do I do it? Cause I am a girl that needs a recipe to cook a casserole. I need directions with exit numbers to take a trip into unfamiliar territory. I need an example... it's just how I am...

But that is not doing it. It's not real enough for me. I know that I am not called to be like the world, like other 'christians', I am to be like Christ. I am to worry only about his approval, his loving direction and his soveriegn will for my life. I want to be someone that doesn't just go to a church building on Sunday and maybe Wednesday and that means I'm doing the thing... I want to show in my daily life that I am a child of God- that I love Jesus Christ and I eagerly await his return because this earth is not my home!

So- I am taking a step back, taking a deep breath and taking a step up. I am taking the summer off from my bible study. (and I will miss my dear sisters terribly) But I feel like the Lord is telling me that it's time to dig into his word and find him, truly find him for myself and let Beth Moore off the hook! I want to get closer. I want to learn more. I want to touch the scars on his hands for myself so that I know they are real... I want to fall on my face and wholeheartedly seek his face. I want to feel his breath and hear his voice and know that he holds me in his hands. To know, truly know that he loves me- loves ME... more than anyone else does. More than my momma, my daddy, my husband, dare I say even my children. His love for his children is beyond our comprehension and I admit sometimes I dont feel it. I don't get it. I don't understand how he could possibly love someone like me, me who never gets it right, who is constantly picking up my cross and then dropping it again... sometimes in the mud. But he does... he doesn't give up on me. That amazes me. I want to know him MORE. I want to love him MORE. I want to praise him MORE. I want to hear him MORE. I WANT MORE!! I want more for my life, more for my children and my grandchildren.

This last sunday we had a missionary come speak at our church. And I don't think I will ever be the same. I hope I will never be the same. She was a woman. She was a redhead. She was on fire! She had such passion and was utilizing the power of God as she ministers and spreads the gospel in Sri Lanka with her family. I can't go into the details here because this blog would go on and on and on. But if you want to hear some of the amazing, mind blowing things that God is doing just call me, send me an email, come over and we'll talk and I'll tell you the stories because it was amazing!! I'm talking healings, I'm talking muslims saved by the hundreds! I'm talking persecution and people being beaten sunday morning on their walk to church!!- And they go!! Every Sunday they go! They risk their lives to go and worship their God that has saved them from the hopeless life they had before, they are inspiration to me as I sit in my minivan driving to church (running late of course) with Veggie Tales in the CD player... and I'm heading to church because it's Sunday morning and I am wondering what God's got for me this morning..... What about what I have to give to God this morning?! (have I even set aside anything for him at all?) and, Has he not already given me enough? Has he not already answered my prayers beyond what I deserve? Beyond what I have even asked for?! It's not about me... And if he asked me for something... something precious, something hard to give up, would I do it? would I lay it down? if he took Zack's job (our only income) would I still praise him? If he took one of my children, would I still praise him? If I was struck with illness, would I still praise him? If my life was uncomfortable, or even unbearable ... would I still praise him? follow him? believe in him? hope in him? rest in him and his promises? I hope so. I hope that I can say that I would- that I would gerd up and focus on his glory and konw that he is the same on sunny days that he is on rainy days... would I take up my cross to bear and follow him....



They took up an offering for the Hollis family and their mission work at the end of the service and I cried. I cried because I had no money to give. I had left our last five dollars at home on the dresser and I cried because I wanted to give it to her and her family to support them as they go out and do Gods work! I believe in what they are doing that much!! I am in awe of how God is using two (willing hearts) to reach thousands! I am in awe of her passion and of her love for our Savior! I am jealous with a Godly jealousy and that's when it all came together and the things that God had been whispering to me for weeks... became loud in my ears- it's not about you, it's about Me.

And so, as I thought back to my last blog post with the random picture of myself... I felt ashamed. I felt foolish. And I wanted to rush home and replace it with a picture of my Jesus. My Father, my Savior, my Rock, my Redeemer, my teacher, comforter, healer, my King! Who saved me, who loves me, who washed me clean with his blood, who hasn't given up on me yet... hasn't given up on you yet. He is awsome. He is coming soon. The earth cries out in pain as do his children...save us! Come quickly Lord and take us home... I hope to see you there sweet friends! I hope to see you all there....